29 August 2011

I have never understood this.

I'm about to show you a pretty clear example of someone who should, by all accounts, realize that I have no interest and give up. I come across people like this in real life (and on this site) ALL THE TIME. I'll be straight up insulting and mean to them, and they'll STILL just keep coming at me. This example isn't even as mean as I'll be to people who do this to me in real life:

Like I said, in real life I'm actually much meaner, and I have never understood why the guys will just keep on trying. But last night I was chatting with an old high school friend about OkCupid, his experiences, my blog, and dating in general, and he did a pretty good job of explaining the phenomenon to me. Apparently, there's a technique used to get people to sleep with you called "negging." The definition, according to Urban Dictionary, is:

This friend from high school, who we used to jokingly refer to as SirHotBodHandsomeFace, thanks to his love of posting pictures of his abs on his Myspace in his younger days, told me that I was negging these boys. I disagree with him, because it seems to me that negging, by definition, requires intent towards the other person. If I was undermining the confidence of men in order to get into their pants with ease, that would be negging. Simply being mean isn't the same thing.

Nevertheless, according to SirHBHF, girls like me give off the impression that we're negging. Guys assume that because we are still talking to them, we must be interested, even if we're flat out telling them that we are in no way interested. They're hard-wired to think that they can accomplish things and get results. It's all about "validation," he says. By withholding validation, we make them crave it even more, and they just try harder.

Now, this still makes no sense to me at all. If a guy was cutting me down or refusing to "validate" me, I'd just cut him down right back or ignore him. Why would you be interested in someone who acts that way? But this is certainly some interesting and enlightening inside knowledge. Thanks, SirHotBodHandsomeFace!

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