Just. Give. Up.

In awe.

Everything you dislike, Part 2

Humility has always been my best quality. Well, I hesitate to say BEST, because there are just so many great ones to choose from, but it's definitely up there.

The lyrics are not available online, unfortunately

This is based on the cheese song, which my little sister put on a road trip CD for me. I cannot find the name, artist, or any of the lyrics online, so I had to go off what I could remember. And then I made some stuff up.

 

I don't even understand his innuendos here. Squeeze until the cheese comes out? If that's what it looks like, I think there might be a problem. And "then you can eat my cake ;)"? I honestly don't even know what that would refer to.

But... It's my birthday!

 

My logic scared him away. Based on his logic, I would just run around flashing people on the street all the time. And I think we can all agree that that isn't an appropriate way to manage your public life. 

I have never understood this.

I'm about to show you a pretty clear example of someone who should, by all accounts, realize that I have no interest and give up. I come across people like this in real life (and on this site) ALL THE TIME. I'll be straight up insulting and mean to them, and they'll STILL just keep coming at me. This example isn't even as mean as I'll be to people who do this to me in real life:

Like I said, in real life I'm actually much meaner, and I have never understood why the guys will just keep on trying. But last night I was chatting with an old high school friend about OkCupid, his experiences, my blog, and dating in general, and he did a pretty good job of explaining the phenomenon to me. Apparently, there's a technique used to get people to sleep with you called "negging." The definition, according to Urban Dictionary, is:

This friend from high school, who we used to jokingly refer to as SirHotBodHandsomeFace, thanks to his love of posting pictures of his abs on his Myspace in his younger days, told me that I was negging these boys. I disagree with him, because it seems to me that negging, by definition, requires intent towards the other person. If I was undermining the confidence of men in order to get into their pants with ease, that would be negging. Simply being mean isn't the same thing.

Nevertheless, according to SirHBHF, girls like me give off the impression that we're negging. Guys assume that because we are still talking to them, we must be interested, even if we're flat out telling them that we are in no way interested. They're hard-wired to think that they can accomplish things and get results. It's all about "validation," he says. By withholding validation, we make them crave it even more, and they just try harder.

Now, this still makes no sense to me at all. If a guy was cutting me down or refusing to "validate" me, I'd just cut him down right back or ignore him. Why would you be interested in someone who acts that way? But this is certainly some interesting and enlightening inside knowledge. Thanks, SirHotBodHandsomeFace!

Second time's the charm?

This is not the first time someone had decided to message me again, weeks after being scared off for the first time. I do not understand them.

I might have actually started to feel bad about these.

I don't often feel bad about any of the amusing but potentially awful things I do, but these two guys made my dormant conscience start to rustle in its sleep.

Guy #1 was just such an easy target. Honestly, I know sarcasm can be hard to pick up on when only seen in text, but I thought it was glaringly obvious in this case. As I so often have been on OkCupcakes, I was wrong.

I had no idea how to dig myself out of this hole, so I took a cop-out. I brought back little Ashley's stepfather.

Guy #2 might be the most gullible person on the internet, but he was still nice and polite, and I just can't really fault him too much because of it. It's possible that my standards are being lowered by this whole thing. Before reading, it's important to know that in my main picture, my hair is quite obnoxiously and not naturally red.

Apparently I've been employing the wrong tactics

With this guy, at least. I started with the basic girl-rapist line, after a terrible pick-up line on his end:

Which, of course, did not deter him. We later got into my extreme stupidity about not particularly modern technology:

But he was a trooper. So I moved on to gold digging, formerly having a penis, AND the implication of death.

But no! Still not scared away! And now we're in weird backstory and ambiguous genitalia land.

Which is why am I just seriously confused that the line that finally got him to give up was this one:

That's right, folks. Apparently you can be the craziest mofo who ever roamed the earth, ambiguous genitalia and all, and it's all good. But if you hate music, stay the hell away.

This completely changes my outlook on some people.

NO MEANS NO

This conversation was too long, and the guy was boring and not even making for any good blog material. So I took a direct approach.

I will never understand how this could be construed as a yes.

Some people just don't scare easily

It's funny how hard you can imply things and have people still not know what you're getting at.

Here we go with the "I used to be a dude" stuff again. Obvious, yes? No.

 And so we move on to implying murder (this is much more strongly implied in the rest of my profile).

 And then, straight up "I am most definitely a murderer."

I wish I could say this ended the conversation.

Though that last one did break one of my rules a bit. Toes totally are gross.

WHY ARE YOU STILL TRYING TO TALK TO ME? (Part 1)