A response == I want to see your penis

I'm sorry to say he didn't give up after that.

Unsolicited.

Thanks, Trevor.

But... It's my birthday!

 

My logic scared him away. Based on his logic, I would just run around flashing people on the street all the time. And I think we can all agree that that isn't an appropriate way to manage your public life. 

I guess OkC is still a step above craigslist

This happens a lot. People message me with something like "Hey, I'm in town for the night, let's meet up." Isn't this more suited to craigslist's casual encounters section? I mean, OkCupid is still advertised as a dating site and not a site for people who are just looking for a night of anonymous sex.

Smooches. Oh baby, oh baby.

How virginal!

Wait, guys, I'm a virgin - The girl has to say yes, right? I mean, right? And then I squirt my Capri-Sun into her, um, what does she have? A cup?

INAPPROPRO

As far as I know, this person is in jail now.

 

Later on in conversation, he hadn't given up yet, so I gave in and took things to a new level. I mean, it's not every day a guy offers this kind of special treatment:

And now, no more account. I hear they discontinue your account automatically when you're arrested for soliciting.

Always with the threesomes.

This couple gets credit for realizing at that point that I was clearly a moron and not worth their time.

The Repeater

And then, would you believe it, he stopped messaging me! The outright sexual ones don't usually give up so easily. Apparently it's only cool to have sex toys used on you by a lady, and not to use them on other men.

I don't understand these guys the most

It started out like any other conversation:

I'm fairly certain I made up pubic acne, but you never really know. Super gonorrhea is real, a fact that I know thanks to my 11th grade Christian Morality class, in which all we learned about were STDs and identifying sociopaths. But, of course, three STDs, a murderous boyfriend, and not believing in birth control are not enough to sway the affections of the OkCupid male. It's like true love.

This is the part that I seriously don't understand. After the STDs, the allusions to being a used-up porn star, and the insult to his "python" (which I doubt is 10 inches long, btdubs), he clearly realizes that I'm full of shit. And yet, he thinks that somehow HE'LL be the one to convince me to "roll the dice," mostly by talking up his skills in the sack. And he is definitely not the only guy to talk himself up to me like this. If you have to talk yourself up on a dating site, I kinda doubt you're actually all that good. I also really doubt that even a tenth as many guys who claim to be fantastic lovers actually are. Honestly, does any girl believe this? Am I supposed to go "Well, you claim to be good at it, so let's bang!"

Does this approach ever work?

Ok, maybe I'm not so good with emoticons

I cannot tell you how good it is to know that I'm attractive enough to get away with being stupid if looking for casual sex on a dating site.

Monkey Marmoset Frog returns

 

My vagina was not born with a vagina.

Porn?

It's probably solely because of my adventures in the last few days that I assume this person is talking about porn. Whether it's the case or not, I have no idea. I did, at least, manage to scare him away. So much so that he no longer has an account!